All right Johnny you doing Johnny where'd you grow up?
Where are you from originally I grew up in the San Diego Valley on the border of East L.A., Monterey Park, Alhambra area.
Which is a predominantly Asian community.
Even street signs are in Chinese there.
So I had both my parents.
My father was, I would say my childhood was kind of like miserable, filled with distrust.
My father was a drunk alcoholic.
My mom was Taoist Buddhist.
it was kind of around like a dictatorship and You know,
we were really young and and and my dad would actually be this me and my brother and my mom I sent my mom to the ICU a lot of times a of times
So it was very very chaotic as a kid
And I think you know grow up around that type of environment where there was gangs drugs violence You know,
we were low income, not stereotypical Asian, but we didn't really have much money, grew up around a lot of Hispanics.
There was a lot of culture shock as well.
Our parents are immigrants, so they didn't really know how to fit in.
So we kind of had to learn everything from them.
You know, I was young, I had a very peculiar mindset.
I trusted myself a lot because I felt like I couldn't trust my parents.
One time, you know, I was 10 years old and I got jumped for the first time.
Had my backpack stolen, had my shoes taken.
I went home and my father asked me, where is your backpack?
And I said, you know, I got jumped by four Hispanics, you and he didn't believe me.
He thought that I threw away my backpack.
He thought that I wasn't trying to do good in school.
So he beat me after that.
So yeah, I kind of went through a lot with the beatings and a lot of trauma.
And so at the age of 12 years old, I actually joined a gang.
The triads have a gang out in that area, a very big, big gang.
So these are Asian gangs?
Yes, a lot of Asian gangs out there.
We're very incognito, hush, hush, tight lip, but they do exist.
And so I joined that at 12 years And a lot of people ask me, you know, why would you join that?
You know, why would you join a gang, you know, at the age of 12?
And lot of people would say it's probably due to, you know, their broken home or broken family or drugs or violence, just the environment.
For me, particularly in my opinion, I noticed that it stemmed from trusting and believing myself.
When I was young, I thought that if I did everything I wanted to do, I would be happy.
So fun going out with gang members, stuff like that, I thought was really fun.
And the things that I didn't want to do, such as exercising.
Doing homework I didn't do because I thought if I did everything I wanted to do
I would be happy and the things that I didn't want to do I didn't do because I didn't think it would make me happy
so I looked at the gang life and It started at the core of my heart.
I really wanted to be a gang member.
I really wanted to, I looked up to those people, and so I joined that type of lifestyle.
12 months, I'm sorry, three months into it, at the age of 12, I caught my first case.
And that was originally a kidnap being slash robbery, but they dropped the charges down.
Yeah, and ended up, it was with a group of people.
ended up catching the charge for disasuating witness for the benefit of a gang.
So ended up going to YA California Youth Authority.
I was at SRCC first and then caught a couple fights in there,
got written, they call it, and then ended up going to Fred C.
Nellis YA, and you know I was 12 years old, they gave me four years.
And when I was in YA, I a lot of like it cultivated the mindset to believe in myself even more.
I really trusted myself because I had seen rapes, I seen murders, I seen stabbings, fighting, I learned how to fight there.
They call it gladiator school for a reason, you you a lot.
And learned like the two seconds take off goal,
meaning if you feel disrespected within two seconds, you have to handle it, whether it's stabbing them, fighting them, beating them up.
Otherwise be labeled a punk, excuse my language, a bitch, a leva, stuff like that.
and it was really, really traumatic, and I get out, you know, 67 days, two months and a week, I catch my second case.
It's two counts of assault with deadly weapon.
Again, it was supposed to be a robbery and attempted.
But it dropped the charge down.
They gave me 10 years 85% so it So, yeah, I get to prison and it's a whole nother ballgame.
First off, I'm Chinese, so there, we were outnumbered.
It really was a racial thing, whereas in YA, it was more of gangbanging.
It was a little bit of race, but you had to represent your colors, represent your flag, represent your people.
you have to drop your flag, you have to drop everything and you have to represent the other car or the race.
So in there, I had to calm down because I was a YA baby.
I didn't know how to program.
After about a year, I learned how to program the rules of regulations and everything.
And was able to really start to kind of function in prison.
I through a lot of depression.
I had seen some counselors in there and I'm just being honest like I was able to
get my GED I was able to get anger management counseling and everything
looked on the up but there was one thing that I really couldn't get rid of and
it was this emptiness and this void I had felt inside of my heart.
No matter what I did, I really couldn't overcome this emptiness in this void.
And didn't matter what I did, you know, I just always felt this sadness and feeling inadequate as a human being.
And so, you know, some of the older homies, the in there, the who kind of like represent us, we look to them for advice.
So one of the older guys,
bro, you should start reading and working out and kind of get your mind off of things
because he noticed that I was kind of like an overthinker.
And so I started reading, I read the Quran in there front to back three times, read the Bible in there, front to back.
Um, and, you know, it didn't really do anything for me, honestly.
So, um, I get out after doing my stretch, I parole out of CRC Norco, and, um, I meet
my mom, you know, and, uh, she didn't really visit me much.
She didn't know how to navigate the correctional facilities and stuff like that,
so she didn't But I noticed the difference in my mom,
she had this inner piece about her that I really didn't understand because,
mind you, she has not just me but my brother, two kids in prison who were incarcerated, my brother did also 12 years.
And she had, she was still married to my father, her husband, who was still an abusive alcoholic person.
She still lived in Section 8.
She still had, you know, all that trauma and stuff like that.
But she had no circumstances to be happy, but I realized that she was happier than I was, you know?
And she mentioned church.
And at that time, honestly, it's like I rolled up the windows in the car.
I'm not trying to hear about that, but I'm not, I don't believe in God.
So she said, fair enough.
So I got out, I had that heart that I wanted to still do better and do good.
You I had lived my whole life doing bad things and following myself, trusting myself.
So I wanted to get a job.
I wanted to help my parents help,
you know, and I tried to look for a job but as a two-strike felon with a violent crime.
Yeah, it wasn't happening.
I applied for even like McDonald's, FedEx, UPS, all the places that they say they hire convective felons.
And I wasn't showing any love, honestly.
But immediately I went back to the streets.
And that time, I was still on parole.
So was risky looking over my shoulder and I just felt like this was not something I could make a career out of.
And so I devised this plan to actually rob a drug dealer because my thinking at the time was if I'm selling all these drugs,
But if I just rob someone who sells all the drugs, then I would inherit and gain a lot of money.
it was me and a friend of mine, he was like my road dog and I told him, hey bro, let's rob this dude.
He's a well-known drug dealer in our area.
Anyway, you know, I told him I was gonna go to the right of the car.
He was gonna go to the left of the car.
And, you know, when I stepped to go to the right of the car, he actually, my friend stepped in front of of me.
So naturally, I went to the left of the car.
As I'm walking up on the driver's side of the car, I hear three gunshots.
And when it rang out, I actually assumed initially that it was my friend who shot the dude.
I like, damn, you didn't even give him a chance.
Well, whatever, it is what it is.
We'll roll with the punches.
but actually the car sped off and I realized it was my friend that had gotten shot and he was just laying there.
I vividly like the sounds,
the noise that he was making and he was dying and there I'm holding him and he died in my arms.
Yeah, so every time I think about that I get a little emotional, but, you know, that moment
was very pivotal in my life because I had thought about it like that was supposed to be me.
Actually, if I went to the right of the car, I probably wouldn't be here today.
So you know, as I've seen that.
I started to really think in my life like I could feel death around the corner, you know, It didn't matter what I would do.
I on borrowed time I felt like I was gonna die soon and three days after that I had received a letter from one of my friends
just a childhood friend he grew up with us in the projects and section eight he He gave me a letter that was really eerie,
think about me when I'm gone and just saying these types of things and three days after that I find out that he had committed suicide in jail.
So there was death all around me and I was feeling that, you know, was creeping up on me.
you know miraculously my mom actually a couple days after these incidents
had happened her car had broken down and she was like hey Johnny like I need you to
take me to church you know she's a translator she was very like involved at the time So I said,
yeah, there's no harm in that, you know, I want to help Mom out, you know, I didn't spend all my life, you know, being bad to her.
So I wanted to treat her well.
So I took her to the church.
But I told her very specifically, I don't want to be evangelized.
I don't want to, I don't want to talk to the pastor.
I remember this pastor runs out and he's like,
hey, Johnny, you know, good to see you and why don't you come on in for some food you know and they had
made like some some black bean noodles and that's actually my favorite dish you
know I love eating black bean noodles for those Asian son-dong people out there
who know what I'm talking about it's like a delicacy for us you know I grew up eating that stuff I was like,
what's the harm in eating, you but I told the pastor.
I don't want to hear about God I don't believe in God and on Buddhist, etc, etc.
So we get there and I Remember he sits down and after we finish eating he asks me two questions that really kind of shocked me
You know, he said are you a sinner and do you know what sin is and at that time?
I felt a little angry, to be honest, because I felt like that was a loaded question, like, who is, who's not a sinner?
You we're all born imperfect, we're all flawed as human beings, we've all made, you know, bad decisions in our life and stuff like that.
So I kind of got mad and I told him, yeah, of course.
And, and he says, so what do you think about sin?
well sin is when you do something bad and then,
you know, you go against God or you, you shoot people, stab people, you know, lie to people, that's a sin.
And that was the first time that it kind of like, he shook my world upside down.
I was like, what do you mean?
You know, this is kind of weird because that's what I always learned.
I wasn't Christian, Catholic, or anything like that.
I that doing bad things is a no-no, you know?
But he explained to me that sin was actually twofold.
is it's trusting yourself above the word of God.
So trusting yourself more than God, that's what sin is.
And two, it was inheritance.
So he explained to me the analogy of your Chinese, you didn't choose to be Chinese, you're born that way.
Your father was Chinese, his father was Chinese, et cetera, it was passed down.
Likewise with sin, it wasn't that you did anything wrong, but, Adam was evil, he was sinful, and it passed down to us.
So we were born as sinners.
And that time, it really made sense to me because my son, he was like four years old at the time.
well, you know, hey, don't follow the way that daddy went, you know,
like be good, respect your elders, et cetera, never taught him how to lie, steal, or anything like that.
But at the age of four, you know, he loved eating gummy bears.
And I remember like, he would always want gummy bears.
If he could just live off of gummy bears, he would do it.
I told him you have to eat veggies first and then you can eat some gummy bears But I would see him trying to hide the veggies trying to take it to the little potty and
throw on it in there And you know who taught him that you know and and he even got to a point where he would he would steal the gummy bears
He would scoot the little stool over climb on top reach at the top of the cap cabinet,
pull out the gummy bears and I caught him red-handed.
I'm what are you doing one day?
And was like, nothing there, nothing.
I never taught him any of that evil stuff, but it was part of him.
And it was something that was actually normal for him, for kids to rebel.
And then he used the analogy of an apple tree, which really put it in perspective.
He said, when you look at the seeds of an apple, where are the apple?
planet, as it grows, it will only produce apples.
No matter how hard it tries, it cannot produce oranges or mangoes.
Likewise, when you look at a baby, where's the sin?
It's very cute, it's loving, but as it grows, as it matures, all you see is sin.
They start to, you know, lie.
cheat, steal, they can even murder, you know, and so when I saw that, it really made a lot
of sense to me as a person and I was able to see that, oh, we're just being normal.
It's not that I did bad things and then I became a sinner, no, I was born flawed.
I was born imperfect and he had mentioned, you're an imperfect Trying to produce perfect results.
you're gonna fall short So that's why I had emptiness and and depression and loneliness inside of my heart because
He was showing me that it wasn't the surface-level things,
but it was at the core of the heart, because everything is rooted in the heart.
Everything came from the center.
So I was trying to basically put a band-aid, like, oh, I had anger, so I'd take anger management.
No, if you look, if you peel back the layers of an onion,
you'll realize that you'll get to the root of it, which was sin produces everything.
And I started to realize, oh, I was looking at it from a wrong perspective.
you and then he used the analogy of like a car and he was saying that there's a braking system in the car and it must overcome the accelerator.
Otherwise, you if the accelerator over the...
No one would drive that car even if it was a Ferrari because it has no brakes.
Likewise, we are people who need to have self-control.
If we don't have self-control and our desires are like the accelerator, if it keeps going, I want to do drugs.
If don't manage that, you'll crash out in life and you'll live miserably.
And when he was saying these things,
it was hitting me in the core of my heart like,
wow, this guy knows me But I just met him and I really didn't understand how he knew me through and through, you
know And at that time he said you're a person because you were born flawed in perfect in sin
You don't have the capability to stop you And so you need something else to help you.
And in that case, he said, that's where I come in as a pastor, he I am your breaking system, right?
So at that time, he had asked me this one question and he said, how is your relationship with your father?
I honestly hate him, you know?
I feel like the reason why I joined a gang,
the reason why I was angry, the reason I was so violent was because of my father.
But he had mentioned, okay, so listen to me very carefully, he said, when you meet your father, I want you to apologize to him.
Excuse my language, but I was like, fuck that, honestly, because I didn't ask to be born.
Um, he had a responsibility to take care of me, but when I was born, you know, he beat
me and he didn't, he wasn't there for me.
And I felt like just so angry when he asked me to apologize to him.
And you know what he said was, he said, Johnny, you're right.
But because You know, that he beat you and you didn't have a good childhood.
And that hit me, you know, really deeply.
You're miserable because when you go outside and you see fathers who do respect their children,
who did raise them well, you know, you feel that pain.
And he said, you know, why do people argue?
Because two people are right.
You're right, I'm wrong, the other party thinks.
No, I'm right, you're wrong, right?
And then they start to fight.
And then there's no peace.
But when one person becomes wrong, he says then everything drops, and then they can start to heal.
He starts to come in, you and they're able to grow.
So he said, even though you don't understand it, I asked that you accept what I'm saying and just move forward.
So at that time, I put down everything I felt and I trusted this man, right?
And I was like, okay, I'm not going to trust myself.
You know, what's the harm in trying it out?
So I call my father and it's such an awkward phone call.
I haven't talked to him for years And I say, hey It's Johnny.
It's like who I guess it's your son.
He's like oh and The first thing out of his mouth.
I remember vividly was I don't have any money for you And I was like,
you know, I got a little angry, you know, and need your money, but kind of simmer down.
And was like, you know, dad, I want to talk to you.
I need to speak to you about something.
So we plan to go to this far restaurant in Alhambra.
He's sitting across from me.
He's not looking me in my face.
I'm looking out to the wall and I remember vividly what the pastor told me, you just move forward.
You know, I am your breaking system, right?
You know, I'm here today to you that I'm sorry, I'm sorry for being a bad son, I'm sorry for being a bad son, sorry.
I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you, that I didn't help, and didn't live up to your standards.
And then my father actually, he started crying, he said no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry to be a bad, that I was a bad father.
I'm sorry I didn't give you a good childhood and I'm sorry I couldn't control my drinking
and then you had to suffer because of that, you know, 20 years of pain, anger, frustration, it was crushed, we hugged it out.
And now we have a great relationship, you know?
if I had never followed what the pastor said,
if I never trusted him and I trusted myself,
if I tried to understand and wrap my head around it, if I held my own righteousness, would have never experienced this.
At the core of my heart, pastor was dissecting it and fixing it from the inside out.
And I seen that, I was so thankful.
Wow, this pastor, he knows something that I don't know.
For the first time in my life, I didn't trust what I saw and what I felt.
I left it in the hands of someone who was better than me,
who knew God, who lived happier than me, who was more peaceful than me.
And I was connected to that, I was able to overcome everything.
I see my father every week now, we go out to eat, and all we talk about is happiness, and we're able to rekindle everything.
And I never preached the gospel to my dad, I never told him about God.
I just showed him, hey, you know, I'm happy that and I love you.
And that love really overcame everything, you know, so, you know...
and it wasn't like I wanted to, but when I connected to something, you know, that was stronger than me, like my pastor.
I was able to stay at a prison.
I was able to kick the drugs.
I was on meth and ecstasy and coke.
It wasn't that I did anything myself.
I didn't even want the help.
a lot of people were on And they talk about homelessness,
oh, the is homelessness, well, if you peel that back, it could be mental issues, mental health.
If peel that back, it could be, you know, drugs whatnot.
But the truth is, it's at the core of the heart.
And if you don't get a of that aspect.
then that begets everything else.
It produces everything else.
So liken it to the analogy of cancer.
Say I have cancer, if I'm losing my hair, and if I'm losing weight.
Well, if I put a wig on and I just eat and fatten up, it doesn't get rid of the cancer.
So likewise, we have to get to the core of the issue.
And the core of this issue right now is people's hearts.
Their self-worth is completely gone.
So the pastor planted hope inside of my heart, it casted everything up.
He never said, don't do this, stop doing jokes, stop gaming.
He didn't give me a dime.
What he gave was hope inside of my heart.
And when that happened, we naturally dropped everything else that was hopeless.
I clinged on to drugs because I thought that that was my hope.
I clinged on to my gang because that was my hope at the time.
But God showed me another perspective, he talked about God.
You know, he talked about just He said, why do you think that Jesus had to die for you?
Because you're a sinner, you're born into sin, you can't stop sinning, so you'll always be empty, you'll always be miserable.
But when you think about God, He paid for all of your sins.
He made you righteous, and I'm like, He made me righteous.
And he said, well, God doesn't remember them.
Hebrews 10 17 says, and sins and iniquities will I remember.
So, he said, you have a choice to make, Johnny.
Are you going to trust what you think and what you feel which is constantly changing?
I'm her to get out of my house.
Am I going to trust this heart that constantly changes?
One I make a determination.
I'm not going to do drugs.
Next I'm rummaging through the trash again, picking it off.
look, am I going to trust something that constantly changes?
And he told me, if something is constantly changing, if a person says one thing and does another, he's a liar.
So would you trust his heart that lies to you?
Or are you going to trust the Word of God that never changes?
No matter what, God died for you.
He made you holy, past, present, and future sins are gone.
When I believed, I put, again, myself down and my thoughts down, and I trusted the word of God, that power became minds.
And likened it to the analogy of like a debt.
Let's say, Mark, you know, I have $10,000 for you.
I say, let's go to Arizona, you know, in Phoenix, in one week, I'll give you $10,000.
if you trust what I say, you will make that trip and you'll go out there and you'll receive the $10,000.
But let's say you don't believe in me.
Ah, Johnny's a gang member.
He's just a guest on software at Underbelly.
Even I go to Arizona with $10,000, I you will not receive the blessing.
So important to where you put your beliefs in.
People say, Lord is my Savior.
Well, what did He save you from?
He saved you from your sins.
So if He saved you from your sins and you still think you're a sinner, that must mean He failed and He didn't.
He says in the Bible that He's perfected us forever.
So when I was able to believe, That core of my heart changed.
I from emptiness to having hope.
But where the righteous people go, righteous people go to heaven.
I always thought I was gonna die and go, maybe not to hell, but somewhere where evil people go because I was an evil person.
I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of.
But, you know, as I had that hope that, hey, I don't have to live this way.
This mind, this heart was deceiving me, telling me that I was, you know, not telling me that I was evil, you know.
And when you live that lifestyle,
well, I'm evil anyway, so excuse my language, but fuck it, I'm gonna do whatever I want because you're so
your confidence gone, everything is out the window.
So, you know, what I'm doing nowadays is I'm going to prison and I'm a prison minister.
And I preach my testimony and this story to people and it really changes their lives because everyone is telling people,
hey, stop bad, stop doing evil.
The problem is they're not understanding that trusting in themselves is the root of all evil because we're flawed as human beings, right?
And if we're flawed, we cannot produce perfect things.
We can't produce good things.
We can try, but at the end of the day, we feel this emptiness.
And what I call it is this up and down life.
You know, when you're really happy, you're on the up.
But when you're sad, you crash.
So you're happy sad, happy sad, happy sad until you die.
There is no real purpose inside of your life, you know, and that's something that people really resonate with because I went through that.
When I look at my life, I thought it was a curse.
I'm not supposed to be here.
I'm to be on the streets here with these people strung out.
But as I see that God was leading my life, I see that it's such a blessing, a for life.
Because I understand the people that these homeless people on the streets, they don't need money.
They don't need, you know, clothes and all that, you know, they need the fixing and the renewal of the heart.
that's really what I've been doing nowadays is going to prisons and talking to, you know, Double lifers, people with L-WOP, life without parole.
And don't tell them, hey, you need to change.
Why did you murder people?
You know, you need to make a decision.
No, what I tell them is, do you know what God did for you?
Do you know that sin is not, it was part of you.
It's not that you wanted to do it, but it was something that was dragging you.
And if you learn to distrust that voice,
distrust that destructive voice, I call it, that evil thought, evil nature, then you're able to live well.
And you're able to connect to the pastor.
You know you're able to connect to people who are better than you and then their happiness their hope will pour into your heart and once that changes
They start to you know become mentor They start to also mentor other inmates and we're making a big in all these prisons.
I go to Thailand, I also preach at the Banquan prison.
I to Korea recently, I met with post-consulates, and I'm a person that I'm from the San Gabriel Valley.
How can I be talking about God?
Well, I really feel like it wasn't me, you know.
I feel like God had prepared this for me,
and he had showed me something while going through the struggles, while feeling empty and overcoming that.
And that's really what I want to kind of share with the people,
because if that pastor never gave me a chance,
if he never explained to me, you know, these things, I would probably be dead or in prison.
He got He got out of prison.
He comes to church with me as well and and yeah, he's he's happy.
It's great It's a hell of a story of forgiveness and change of heart.
Yeah That's forgiveness and understanding that we are already flawed and it's okay
put our power down to trust in ourselves and believe in ourselves then you know
truly God can work you know because then we start to lean on him like I said
it didn't make sense to say sorry to my father it made more sense in my head for
him to apologize to me but when I put that down truly I became happy.
And you know, I never thought that I could rekindle this.
I thought I wasn't even gonna visit my father on his deathbed Like that's how much hatred But now that I think about it,
I'm so thankful for him, that I was able to experience God through this.
And my father now, like I said, comes to church.
He was like, they brainwash you.
They give them your money.
There's only women at church, because was just all this stuff.
But he saw that I had stopped going to prison,
I had stopped doing drugs, stopped carrying a gun, started to really peak an interest in him.
And so he himself went to my pastor, the same pastor that preached to me.
And now he realized, you know, wow, I'm perfect, you through God, through Jesus, because he didn't fail.
Not because we do well, not because he stopped drinking, not because he stopped beating my mom.
And in the end, he really gave up drinking.
Him my mom were still married.
I mean, it's amazing, truly, when the heart changes.