Porn Sex vs Real Sex What's The Difference - Bilingual Subtitles
Porn sex versus real sex.
What's the difference?
I'm Dr.
Trish Lee.
Let me tell you.
We're going to talk about the seven primary differences in this video.
And I've also made an extended version if you'd like to see more aspects that compare and contrast real sex to porn sex.
So let's start off with vital parts.
Vital parts of porn actors are between six and nine inches long.
Yes, we're talking penises.
That is not the truth when it comes to real sex.
On average, men have penises that are between five and seven inches long.
So this is the takeaway that I want you to have,
is that we know from the science that pornography consumption decreases self-esteem in men.
And the reason is because when you watch porn,
whether you know it or not,
and I know a lot of men know it,
you are also comparing yourself to male,
porn actors vital parts and when you compare yourself you who are average
maybe even above average still are not as large and in charge as a porn
actor is and the reason being is they literally are hired to be there because they have big vital parts, above way above average sometimes.
So in real life you don't need vital parts that are enormous to have a lovely sexual experience.
with another real human being who's also having a lovely sexual experience, which moves us along too.
The next part is that women on average are not interested in any of the acts that are seen in pornography scenes,
not even the extreme acts.
And I don't want to mention any here because I always try not to be
But even just what would be considered kind of run of the mill porn in terms of who's in it,
the number of people who are in it,
the body parts that are being focused on,
between three and 20%,
depending upon the acts that we're talking about, of women have even tried those acts, and that when that doesn't indicate pleasure.
That indicate interest.
Three to 20%, three percent of women are interested and even remotely trying these acts.
So we see those acts and those that are much worse,
including violence and including, I mean, you know, I don't even need to tell you things that women do not enjoy.
So here's what I want to tell you is that women more times than not do not enjoy the acts that are portrayed in porn sex.
The acts that are in real sex are ones of connection and pleasure and happiness and fulfillment, and it's rounded out.
It's multi-dimensional instead of unidimensional in porn for just intensity, mostly for male consumers.
So you don't need,
nor do you a better ways to communicate with your partner and find out what she or he might be interested in.
You want to find out what the real sex partner enjoys.
You want to tap into yourself in your self-awareness and discover what you really enjoy, which might be difficult because it's going on.
to be through the lens of what you've been consuming,
but the end goal is to realize what your actual arousal template is,
what your partner's arousal template is, and get that groove on in real sex.
Okay.
Moving on to number two is that in porn scenes, actors get going instantaneously like that.
They're ready.
That's not how real sex works.
Real sex on average takes 10 to 12 minutes for people to get going.
And if you live a busy life and you are making time for sex,
which most people are kind of squeezing it in even though they want to, it can take even longer.
If you go from folding laundry or from work to trying to get it on.
So, give yourself some grace.
If you can't instantaneously get it going because on average, it takes 10 to 12 minutes.
Now, it also, in pornography, actors can go for But in real life, once you get going, it's three minutes long.
And that's good.
That is what real sex is.
Real sex isn't going forever.
It's being ready immediately and then being able to go forever.
And I'm here to tell you, women don't want to go forever.
They to have that slow building.
and having it culminate in pleasure, happiness, connection, and joy.
That's what makes real sex so much better than porn sex.
Okay, moving on to number four is that we know that porn sex is an exploitive performance.
which is why I have been referring to people who are in porn, as performers.
They are putting on a performance for you,
the fourth wall consumer, you are consuming pornography, which is a performance that involves camera angles and lighting and the exploitation of everybody who's involved.
We know from anecdotal and from science that most people who are involved in the
pornography industry are being coerced either overtly or covertly being taken advantage of to be in the pornography industry.
Those people are there not because they want to be there but because it's a performance that they have been
exploited into doing for your pleasure, which is the total opposite of real sex, which is a special experience that is shared between two people.
Yes, I said two people.
because also what the science shows is that polyamory relationships that have more than two people are there for the benefit of one person.
So real sex involves two people connecting and sharing themselves to have a real experience.
Okay number five we know that porn sex increases anxiety and shame.
Science proves it.
A porn cycle is built on shame in the first place and it perpetuates shame which creates anxiety and it can create depression,
moodiness, anger, irritability, brain fog, ADHD, at least to a whole host.
of difficulty in terms of cognitive and mental function and psychological function and it also
can result in erectile dysfunction because it is frying out the reward center in your brain.
But it leads to anxiety and shame.
Real sex, when we realize that evolutionarily we are built to be and evolutionarily.
It's for procreation.
We are meant to be sexual.
It's natural.
It is the way that it's supposed to be.
And you might not have heard that messaging growing up,
but I am here to tell you that as you go through your teen years and your 20s and your 30s,
you become a sexual being and that is okay and that doesn't have shame.
surrounding it.
Shame goes down when you have real sex with a real partner and you enjoy it.
Number porn sex.
Designed for isolation, you the consumer are being taken advantage of.
The industry knows that it's highly addictive and that it hijacks your brain.
That you're consuming it in isolation and they're taking advantage of the fact that they know that the majority of people go to porn
To regulate their mood to take the edge off of negative feelings
and so you're going into isolation and it's seeming connection you feel like you're going in there because you're dissociating into fantasy and
as if you were involved in that performance,
but in fact, it's dissociation, which means you're leaving your true self, you're disconnecting from your true self.
When you have real sex with a real partner and you're enjoying and it's multi-dimensional,
you now are connecting, which is what we, in human beings, are.
It's the number one thing that we want,
that we strive for,
we want connection, and we know that many people use porn to fill the void of the connection they are not getting.
I'm here to tell you, fill the void in a healthy way.
Find people to connect within the real world,
it'll lead to intimacy, which is friendship and developing a deeper relationship, which can lead to then a sexual relationship.
Number this is a big one.
Are ready for it?
Porn is fake.
It's not real.
If people don't want to be there,
none of it is real, which is the total opposite of real sex that you can literally be involved in.
Don't spend your life watching fake stuff that is damaging your brain, increasing your shame, increasing your anxiety, and it's not even real.
Spend your life.
doing something that is real with someone you care about in a special experience that feeds your mind,
your body and your spirit and heals your brain, brings your brain online and door fins get cranking and it increases your happiness.
And what that does is it increases your connection through oxytocin flowing through your brain.
You still get pleasure from dopamine, you get happiness from and in the end, you are having a beautiful experience.
Okay, I hope this helps you out.
And I want you to know is if you keep going back to the screen, it's time to make a change.
And we know that a multifaceted program is the way to do it.
Many people struggle with leaving pornography behind by themselves.
If you're struggling, you not alone.
I built a 90-day program in the nonprofit that I am creating so that you have the tools that you need to succeed to leave it behind forever and get yourself into a beautiful real sexual
relationship that you can enjoy and thrive in for the rest of your life.
I'm here for you if you're interested.
interested in that.
It's a digital program and then you can add a group with me so I can personally help you through the journey.
I'd love to do it.
I'd be honored to do it if it feels good.
Reach out to me at drtrishley.com if it's something that interests you and in the meantime control your brain or it will control you.
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