The Side of the Porn Industry They Don't Want You to Know - 이중 자막
So, I have spoken to people that have been in the porn industry before, and one thing
that they pointed to me,
which I just think that if people know this,
I don't see how any person in good conscience could consume porn, is how high the suicide rates are for women.
in the industry,
and how drugged a lot of these women are to give themselves the confidence to be able to do what they are doing,
and how drugged they are after they do these scenes
to be able to try to numb the pain of realizing what they have just done or what they have contributed to.
Can you speak a little bit about that?
Yeah, so in 2018, there was like back-to-back-to-back suicides.
I think it was like five or six months in a row somebody was dying.
I have probably 15 friends that have died to either suicide or drug overdose.
I just lost somebody that I was very close to last year.
It's a very,
there's a very high death rate in the porn industry and as far as drugs, I mean, I was one of those drug addicts.
I left the industry at one point at my three and a half year mark because I was
withdrawing from heroin and that's when I ended up meeting a pimp and he got me back into the industry for another three.
So talk about when you became a drug addict.
So you're in the industry for three years, you left because of your addiction.
When was the first time that you did heroin and what gave you that?
Okay, so, well, heroin, I mean, there were other drugs that led up to that.
So, I was on set, I was new in the entertainment or in the adult industry.
And had, I was 105 pounds, five foot one inch.
I mean, I'm not overweight, but a director tells me, you're fat, you need to lose weight.
And in high school, although I'd never like been a pot smoker, I did try coke a few times.
And so I knew that it would make me not eat.
So I asked one of the models like, hey, I mean, apparently I'm fat and I need to lose weight.
Like, there, you know, do you have access to like any cocaine?
And she was like, you know, very suspicious as to why I was asking her.
I'm no, I really do just want to buy a cocaine.
And so she ended up getting me some.
And then from there, I just kind of got hooked and I started using it every day.
And then I started dating a guy that introduced me to the Norcos, which are like viking in there for pain medication.
From there, it went to Oxycotans.
And then from Oxycotan, there was a girl that I was buying Oxycotans from that said, have you ever chased the dragon?
And I'm like, what does that mean?
And thought she was talking about something important.
And she's like, come over and I'll show you.
So I hung out with her and she pulled out this piece of foil,
put a piece of black tar with like, it was like a plastic.
You where you put your tampons in?
Yeah, it was like a plastic from an applicator.
An applicator, thank you.
And she just started smoking heroin in front of me and she's like, it's better than Oxycot.
So tried it and you, before I decided that you know what like I can't take this anymore.
I had called my grandma and told her hey if you don't come get me I honestly think I'm going to commit suicide
because I can't take this life anymore.
Wow.
Wow.
So you became a heroin abuser, started with a Goxie cotton, cocaine then it leads to something stronger and stronger and stronger.
Now were you taking these drugs before scenes after scenes between, you know, between scenes.
I lived on drugs because what happens when you become addicted is your body goes through intense withdrawals.
So if you don't beat it, what it needs, you.
you're going to lose control of your bowels, your legs, everything's going to hurt, you're to be in intense pain.
Far worse than the flu, you just feel awful.
I was on them every day when I was down to my last 10 to 15 pills.
I'm like, I need to call the dealer because if they don't have them, I need to figure it out.
It was a vicious cycle of I'd get paid from porn, but then I'd have to go and chase the drug dealer.
My net worth was said to be like, I don't know, $3.4 million by the time I left the business.
I left that industry with my last paycheck, $1,500.
That was You're money, and then you're spending the money to get drugs, wow.
And I do, I only know one person personally that's ever been addicted to heroin, what known from way back from middle school.
And I remember seeing her as she got clean.
And she described to me in detail what the withdrawals were like to get off of heroin, she said it was like dying.
That it's just dying.
Every piece of your body is just, you and she was...
You know, in the hospital, and she said you can't even describe that sort of pain.
Yeah, awful.
And yet you were willing to go through that pain,
you call your grandmother, and you say, come get me, and did she come get you?
She did.
She drove up to Los Angeles, moved me in with her into her home in San Diego.
And, I mean, I did get help from a doctor, I went to a doctor, got on what was called
suboxone to kind of help alleviate the withdrawal a little bit, but it was still pretty bad.
Okay.
Why didn't you call your mother or your father?
You know what?
I, that time, had a very, very hindered relationship with my mom.
Um, she,
and I have a great relationship now, but she was the cause of a lot of the voids that I had in life, you know.
Okay.
Okay.
So grandmother comes to the rescue and how long did you spend with her?
I was with her for maybe three to five months before I met a guy that I started dating.
He was in a motorcycle gang.
I had moved in with him.
He got stabbed.
And then from there,
I had nowhere to live,
and the pimp,
which was his friend,
comes and kind of is like,
Oh, well, I'll put you in a hotel for a few days, and he's giving me meth, and you know, because at this point
I started using crystal meth.
And you get clean while you're with your grandmother?
I did, sort of.
Yeah, but it was a very short stint of being clean.
Like it didn't last long, obviously.
Mm-hmm.
So you fell right back in, you watched your ex-boyfriend.
And his friend,
he's the pimp, says, hey, I'll take care of you, you need some worst places to stay, and now he's supplying you with drugs, methamphetamine.
Totally different drug from heroin.
Totally different, yeah.
This one gets you.
I start hearing voices,
so he ends up taking me to a mental institution,
I get clean there for a few days, and then he brings me to his apartment.
He was actually a believer, a backslidden believer, so he introduces me to the Bible and takes me and gets me baptized.
This is the same person that gave you the meth,
and he is a pimp,
but he's also a believer,
and after you go into a mental institution,
he says,
actually, by the way, I forgot to mention, that aside from being a pimp, and from supplying you with drugs, I am a believer.
Yeah, because he was a meth addict at one point and found God, and that's how God healed him,
but then he ended up going into this line of work if you want to call it that.
I'm not sure how God healed him, but he's also a pimp.
Yeah, you're right.
That didn't better me.
Yeah, he sounds like
Yeah, a
Christian very much so would you know it's that's not to make fun of him
It's just a point to the fact you know he clearly was still it's true struggling himself
but so after I get tell you about Christ.
Yeah so yeah so after I get clean and I kind of have like just a new almost like a new attitude because I'm reading the bible every day but I
don't really understand it.
He starts to explain to me that you know Jesus loves prostitutes because of Mary Magdalene.
I'm twisting, twisting the scriptures and then from there he's like you know I just think it's time.
I think that it's time for you to get back into the porn industry and you know and I'm just like like I knew he was a pimp but he because men were my weakness and
I was I had grown attracted to him at that point and I thought like oh no like he even gave me a ring
proposed to me all.
like I thought we were in love like I was very naive like why would you put me back
and you know I don't know I let him take advantage of me I didn't know it's
vulnerable at that time in my life and how old are you at this time 21 so young
yeah so young yeah all this has happened you've seen a lot of life up into
this point absolutely and now you think you're in love and he says you know Jesus
loved prostitutes and I think it's time for you to go back to the And you… I go back.
You went back.
I told him I said,
you know, me thinking that we're in love, like, hey, if I go back to the industry, we're not going to last.
And he's like, oh, yeah, we're going to be together forever.
So three years later, you know, I had an encounter.
I actually had an encounter with God.
like, you know what, I need to leave this guy.
And so he'd been taking all my money for three years, but I prepared myself, I stashed money from an overnight escorting gig.
in, I think it was in Miami, and found out about the money that I stashed, took it.
I was crazy.
He 911, threatened to turn him in, and he gave me the money, and I ended up getting away from him.
And that time it was actually with the help of my mom.
Really?
So did you call her in a desperate moment?
In a desperate moment, yeah.
And what did you say to her?
I told her, Mom, I need to get away from this guy.
I said, He's no good for me, I'm sure you know that.
And I honestly, I really need your help.
Wow.
And what did she do?
She showed up.
She lived about 15 minutes away and she was there for me.
Okay.
And so you were able to get that money back from him?
Yes.
Okay.
So that I could get my own apartment and a car at that point.
It must have been a of money.
Yeah.
He was taking all of it.
Well, mean, he took all my money for three years.
Yeah.
So I think I want to say I stashed around $10,000.
I got a little $5,000 car from Craigslist and was able to get an update.
department, then I had no money and I was going to go back to what I knew.
So I went and filmed my last porn scene before I had yet another God encounter.
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