Language Review: German - バイリンガル字幕
Newsflash, beta males, every language sounds harsh when you screamin' it!
Zali, un het sliebelchau of Mime Hanele,
alle school in Istanbul,
hüch, schfeitzmer, Ibede de duchy spruch, otherwise formerly known as Wienerschnitzel language, West tomboy dutch, BMW language, quarter the shopping cart language, Austrian.
language simps certified rating on the simp scale.
If you enjoyed this video let me know in the comments which language you'd like me to review next and without further ado,
a la hope.
Oh I know German it's that silly sounding language that cowboys speak in Texas.
Yeah around 6,000 people do speak it with a beautiful American accent in Texas but more Some people taco language there.
German the 12th most spoken language in the world, and it's the most common native language of our biggest rival, the EU.
Where over 134 million NPCs speak it, mainly in Litchenstein, Luxembourg, Belgium, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, and course, Mallorca.
But no one learns.
German for any of these countries, including Germany.
Most people study German as a stepping stone to learn Yiddish,
which is basically the same language as German, but it's written backwards with funky letters and bonus vocab from Hebrew.
The sad truth is that learning German itself just doesn't really unlock that much DLC for the average language learner.
If you're lucky enough to be able to read,
you will unlock content there, but the thing is most Germans already speak great American, especially in the big cities you'll likely visit.
I mean sure,
if you go look for some farm outside of a random town like Tits or Mount Wonk,
you're bound to run into some old geyser who doesn't know the difference between through, throughout, thorough, and tough.
But even he probably speaks the language better than most British people.
So if your primary goal is to shock natives in Germany, you should learn Turkish.
But German is still worth learning.
Whether you want to dress up and go to Oktoberfest with the girly's,
listen to some mountain yodeling,
drive 500 miles an hour on the Autobahn,
or kick back and relax while watching 10 hours of Vasistain Lieblingsfach, Lieblingsfach, Lieblingsfach, German has a lot to offer.
And best part is that the language is very unified.
Everyone speaks with the same accent and dialect in every part of the German speaking world.
Said no one ever.
Trying to learn about all the different accents and dialects in German was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Harder than every engineering class I took and even harder than when I gave birth.
They've got so many different ways to classify all of the dialects that I almost died trying to make sense of all of these maps.
But in general, Swiss German sounds like someone is hiccuping while riding a donkey, and they seem while danko for some reason.
Austrian sounds like how someone from Alabama would speak German.
They also have the most manly gigachad hillbilly sounding dialect in the region where the former governor of California is from.
Then Germany, oh god, there's so many, and it's hard to wrap your head around without immersing yourself in German culture.
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Oh, okay, dialects in Germany.
Buckle up.
There are two major overarching dialects of the language in Germany.
They're called low German and high German.
And I hate this distinction because low German is spoken high up on the map, and high German is spoken lower.
It makes zero sense.
There's also middle German, but no one pays attention to that.
High German, or hak Deutsch, is the standard German spoken on television that's forced into students' minds all around the world.
There's a dialect called Bavarian, which they might as well just call Austrian.
Also there's Alharmonic, which is adorable and spoken by kind hillbillies who make their words sound adorable.
One sub-dialect of Alharmonic is called Badish, and it is by far the greatest and most beautiful dialect of any language in the world.
Middle German is quite forgettable,
except for Saxon, which sounds like how cartoon characters speak, and it's spoken in this region that's basically the Florida of Germany.
Low German is spoken by fishermen, and it's basically a completely different language.
But unfortunately, all of these dialects are slowly dying due to TikTok standardizing the accents of the German youth.
Now let's talk about the alphabet.
German language uses a stolen version of the American alphabet, which in this case is fine.
We stole the hamburger from them, so now we're even.
But a few hundred years ago, the Germans added a new letter as DLC into the language, and I must admit, it's awesome.
It's called the S set, and it makes a sharp S sound, but it looks like an uppercase be that's open for business.
After a minute,
I see the letter 3 with emo hair, and after a half hour, I see the top half of a beautiful pregnant woman.
And the Swiss don't use this letter, and I can't think why that would be, so they must just hate pregnant women.
But admittedly, it looks really out of place in words.
Like, it just doesn't look like it belongs sticks out like an American tourist in Europe.
And Germans commit the egregious sin of tainting our wonderful vowels by adding nostrils on top of a few of them.
They're called oom-louts, and they can be used to change the sound of the vowel or distinguish between two otherwise identical words.
Like this means humid, while this means gay.
And this also means gay, like the letter is pronounced gay.
For reason, they pronounce the W's with a V sound, like in the word VET.
And they pronounce the V's with an F sound, like in the word.
The word is so beefy, like my massive biceps.
German words can get really big in the and long the way they use black magic to combine tons of nouns into one word.
But these compound words are very logical and they can be best demonstrated with the names of animals.
This is a little sea pig.
This is an stink animal.
This is a lazy animal.
This is a goldfish.
shit we do that too.
This is a spike pig.
This a Nile horse.
And this is a flying object!
Both and German are Germanic languages but American was tainted by French influences.
German stayed true to its roots and still use crazy medieval sounding Dungeons and Dragons words.
German scary, why does it sound so angry?
I'm sure y'all have seen those videos where they show how soft and cute a word sounds
in different languages and then they literally scream the word in German and act surprised when it sounds hostile and scary.
Newsflash beta males, every language sounds harsh when you scream in it.
So yeah, haters of German are either...
brainwashed by that propaganda, or they've only ever heard German at its absolute worst in World War II films.
I personally love how German sounds, and I've always been super intrigued by its pronunciation.
It has a soothing and charming, yet dominant and masculine melody to it.
The R sound is complicated, but at least you don't need to roll it in this case.
There's just one noise that's notoriously hard for foreigners to make, and it's the C-H sound like in the word H, meaning I.
It's not H, and it's not H, it's somewhere in the middle.
To say it, pretend you're a snake and slither on the floor until you feel German.
Then make the noise.
Ick.
But honestly, just say Ick.
All the cool people in the north half of Germany say Ick instead of Ick, and it's easier and more hipster.
If you struggled to pronounce something in German, just make up your own pronunciation.
Chances are there's some random village dialect where people say it like you anyway.
German speakers do this weird thing where they capitalize all of the nouns in their sentences.
It's pretty quirky, but it doesn't really do much.
Some people say it helps the brain read faster,
but I think it's funny to imagine that Germans wouldn't be able to understand their own language if the nouns weren't capitalized.
Germans just love arbitrary rules, so their grammar can also get a little complex.
The language has nouns, masculine, feminine, and neuter, which each correspond to one of the three definite articles, der, di, and das.
But there's a glitch that caused girls to be neuter for some reason, and German still has an annoying and archaic case system.
They have four cases, which means that each noun can take up to eight different forms in a sentence.
Take a look at the word velve.
for example.
Oh wait, they're all the same.
Okay, this is easier than Russian.
But the cases are really bad with the personal and possessive pronouns.
Why can ear be the second person plural nominative pronoun,
the third person feminine date of pronoun,
the third person feminine possessive pronoun, the third person plural possessive pronoun, and the second person courtesy possessive pronoun.
How do you keep track of that?
Something I love though is how they often put verbs at the end of the sentences because it builds so much suspense.
You have to wait for the verb and I'll give you an example of what it would be like in
American so that you can understand.
I want innocently in a McDonald's parking lot at 3 a.m.
with your mom under the glowing moonlight while it's raining and the frogs are croaking and the grills are sizzlin' to dance.
Now it's time to talk about shock factor.
How will German speakers react to you speaking their language as a foreigner?
To be honest, this is really not a language you learn to impress native speakers.
If you speak German to a German and they smell even a milligram of an accent or hesitation coming out of your mouth,
they'll switch to American.
You could be the most Indonesian,
Indonesian who only speaks Indonesian and German, but if you say Ainsfesta instead of Ainsfesta, they'll think you're American and switch to Biden language.
But if you switch to American as a crutch in an emergency situation, They might they don't speak American.
You'll never catch a German doing a backflip or convulsing over a foreigner speaking their language,
but at least they won't get super mad and toxic like the French.
But don't get me wrong, Germans get mad for other reasons.
Like if they catch you even thinking about J-walking,
they'll call the GS-G9 federal police and those dudes will- support you faster than you can say apfel.
Naba for real, Germans really nice people, and appreciate the effort you're making to learn their lingo, and they'll be quick to help you.
But if you want to linguistically shock someone in Germany, learn Turkish, turc-e-ur-n-ur-um.
As always,
there's so much more I could say about BMW language,
but you're probably sick of me, so it's time to give German, an official simp-certified rating on the simp scale.
On a scale of dog water to Gigachad, I placed German solidly!
In the alpha tier,
I genuinely love the way it sounds and it's relatively easy for a Native American speaker,
but the little to no shock factor kind of brings it down a little for me.
I just like shocking natives and filming them without their permission way too much,
at least trying to speak German in Germany isn't as useless as trying to speak Dutch in the Netherlands.
Let me know which language I should review next in the comments.
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