MUSIC Oh, hey, thank you so much!
Oh, stick around, everybody.
Welcome Welcome Thank you.
Senator Bernie Sanders, we're out here.
Folks, if you the show, you know, I spend most of my time right over there
roaming the news forests of northern Spain to source the most topical story Birchwood,
which I model into an Azolar and Casa,
adding three Taurugos and carvings of leaves and shells on La Capilla,
then applying a of milk from recently delivered cows to brown it over a fire,
creating the distinctive cantabrian albarca shoes that are my nightly monologue.
folks, you I wake up in a landfill
and rip a flap of tread off an abandoned lawnmower tire and a strip of two being out of a busted beer fridge,
then tack it on with a rusty 10-penny nail and stumble off into the brush,
the berserker's flip-flop of news that is my segment.
Meanwhile, it's my platform, my friend.
An Irish man earned his second Guinness World Records title by riding his unicycle the length of Ireland.
Reach for comment, the man's proud parents gushed.
So will he be using that university degree at all, Amen.
No, just the unicycle then, all right.
Kevini accomplished the feat of unicycling 308 miles in five days, five hours, and 23 minutes.
I have no frame of reference for how long it should take to unicycle the length of Ireland.
Meanwhile, great news for you doomsday preppers out there
because Costco now sells 150 servings of food that last 25 years in what's being referred to as an apocalypse bucket.
Okay, but apocalypse bucket is already the nickname for Olive Garden's never-ending possible.
And if you're one of those glass half-empty types who thinks Armageddon will last longer than 150 servings,
you can also order ready-wise by the palate, which raises a lot of questions like, where would you store that?
And does Costco know that we don't?
Start talking teriyaki meatball sample lady.
grape juice that went to college.
Archaeologists in Spain have discovered the oldest wine ever in liquid form in an urn with Roman remains.
Those remains were wearing a toga that read, it's via clock somewhere.
According to researchers, the wine is a local, sherry-like white wine that also contained, among other things, the cremated bones of a Roman man.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that if you have yourself buried inside the wine, might have a drinking problem.
Well, in health news, a female elephant at the Houston Zoo has become the first Asian
elephant vaccinated against elephant endotheliotropic herpes virus or elephant herpes, which is passed among Asian elephants through their trunks.
Let this be a warm to all you young elephants out there.
Everybody thinks, oh, nothing bad will happen.
Then you have to contact every other pack of derm you've been intimate with.
Meanwhile, in rich people buying stuff news, at a recent auction, a stegosaurus skeleton just sold for a record $44.6 million.
You know it's dead, right?
It can't, like, do stuff.
For that kind of money, you can get, like, a hundred dogs.
And, six alligators make the dogs fight the alligator.
Meanwhile, the Kansas City Royals have a new ballpark food item called the Taste of K.
Taco, which is a charred hot dog wrapped in a cheeseburger quesadilla
and topped with barbecue brisket, French fries, shredded pickled red onions, sriracha cracker jacks, and-1-6 sauce.
Now, I don't know exactly what 8-1-6 sauce is, but based on those other ingredients, I assume it's embalming fluid.
Meanwhile, the Euro 2024 soccer final was last weekend, which England lost to Spain.
However, an England fan says he does not regret the tattoo he got on his leg before the meeting.
England Euro 2024 winners.
Though he does regret his other tattoo, Academy Award winner, Madam Webb.
We'll be right back with Senator Bernie Sanders.
