Trump-Biden Debate Fallout, Biden Refuses to Drop Out of 2024 Race | The Tonight Show - Çift Dilli Altyazılar
Welcome, everybody.
Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Tonight Show!
You're here, yo!
I hope everyone had a great 4th of July weekend.
Did have a good weekend?
Yeah.
I love the 4th of July.
There's nothing like watching a fireworks show.
and seeing your uncles high three each other.
I just...
Well, guys, everyone is still talking about the fallout from the first presidential debate.
If I had to describe President Biden's performance in fireworks terms,
he was either the one that doesn't ignite or the one where the bottle tips over and blows up your house.
Yeah, it's one of those.
Yeah, it's been a week and a half since the debate
and the media has been talking nonstop about whether or not Biden will drop out of the race.
Seriously, the media is crazy right now.
The only two people they're covering 24-7 are Joe Biden and the Hawk 2, a girl.
That's all they're talking about.
Oh.
Whoo Whoo If you see, she'll run.
Yeah, the media has spent almost two weeks calling on a candidate to drop out of the race, and somehow it's not the convicted villain.
Come on.
It's not the other guy.
Meanwhile, today, amid calls for him to drop out of the election, Biden sent a letter to Democrats
addressing concern about his age and says that he's firmly committed to staying in the race.
Yeah, and nothing says I'm young, like writing a sternly worded letter.
Yeah, Biden has remained defined and refused it to step aside.
He's basically the guy doing 30 in the left lane, and he ain't moving for anybody.
You know what saying?
Go around.
I don't care.
I'm not doing anything illegal.
Okay.
Yeah, a growing number of Democrats want Biden to drop out.
If he doesn't, their only plan is to tie a bunch of balloons to the White House and hope he floats away like that.
You never know what you do.
It's either that or put a bunch of Withers on the ground and lure him out like E.T.
Hell yeah.
Some high-profile Democrats like Rob Roberts.
and Stephen King also won Biden to drop out.
God, you know things are bad when the guys behind stand by me won't stand by you.
Hey, Biden's brushing everyone off.
He's like, hey, people have been telling me not to run for president since 1988.
I I know what I'm doing.
I think I know what I'm doing.
Yeah.
Yeah, over the past few days, Democrats and Congress have called for Biden to step aside.
A lot of lawmakers are weighing in.
Here's what they had to say.
First, Congresswoman Susan Wilde said, most Americans are unhappy with both candidates.
The whole situation is absolutely, well, my last name.
I think Congress is If you can get through this election without having a panic attack, you must have nerves of, well, my last name.
Then Congressman Jared Huffman said,
I'm so worked up about the election that when I look at a of paint, I just want to, well, my last name.
Thank you.
Congressman Bill Hozinga said, I've started watching sitcoms to relax.
I love how I'm the big bang theory when Sheldon says, well, my last name.
Yeah.
Then, Congresswoman Lisa Blunt Rochester said...
Oh.
That's seriously why she invited me.
It's like right before he went on stage.
He a fat, well, my middle name.
This is what they're all saying.
I it.
Then, then, then, Kong else?
Yeah, then, Congressman Dusty Johnson said, uh-oh.
Yeah, Biden is clearly too old.
We know he's walking around with a, well, my name.
And, I know.
And finally, Congressman Dutch Ruppersberger said, this sounds fun.
How does this game work again?
And, yeah, it doesn't work for everyone.
Everyone can't play.
Well, on Friday, Biden sat down for an interview with Georgia Sanders.
and he made it clear that there is only one way that he would leave the race.
Take a look at this.
If you can be convinced that you can not defeat Donald Trump while you stand down.
With the President and with the Lord Almighty, can God tell me that?
I'd like to do that.
I mean,
if the Lord Almighty came out and said,
Joe, get out of the race and get out of the the Lord Almighty came out said, but not coming down.
LAUGHTER Democrats are like, we're less worried about God coming down to see you and more worried about you going up to see him.
Does that make sense?
CHEERING AND Well, switching gears, you guys see this.
I that yesterday was the busiest air travel day ever in the US.
And to no one, it didn't go so smoothly.
Take a look at this.
Many Delta flights are serving only pasta to economy flyers on international flights.
It comes after moldy chicken meals made passengers sick.
Ooh, that's terrible.
It's just nice to see you.
We're learning more tonight about a plane that was diverted here to Buffalo after a
passenger was accused of exposing himself and urinating in the aisle of the passenger jet at 35,000 feet.
Okay, so food and passengers are the problem, maybe just don't get on the plane, stay inside the airport.
It was an unusual sight.
caught on camera in the middle of Miami International Airport.
Take a look at this.
Mysterious green fluid began coming out of the ceiling yesterday and falling all over the floor as you can see there.
Okay this is bad.
Maybe instead of flying just just rent a car.
This was certainly a surprise and a car rented at Logan.
The snake discovered in the truck.
Okay now I'm starting to thank everyone.
and just walked to their destination.
Man with the machete, you were seeing walking.
All right, that's enough.
I'm not making any more stuff.
Do whatever you want to do, I'm fine.
Wow.
God, holy Well, some business news, Chipotle is bringing back their gold foil burrito wrappers for the Olympics.
Yeah, it's pretty much a reverse Olympics.
First get the gold, then you do the 100-meter dash to the bathroom.
Not to be all done in honor of the Paris Olympics Taco Bell is filling their Chalupas with cigarette butts.
Hey, get this NASCAR to save you their first electric race car.
Yeah, it's not quite as exciting when the car's to pull into the pit and recharge for eight hours.
But still,
it's, guys, I heard about a pair of twins who did a health experiment where one ate a regular diet and the other went vegan.
It was amazing.
At the end of 12 weeks, one still had friends, and the other didn't.
LAUGHTER What?
LAUGHTER What?
Finally, I'm so excited about this.
Scarlett Johansson is on the show tonight.
LAUGHTER Scarlett She is the best.
I agree, Jimmy.
But I hear some people struggle and struggle.
Yeah, I've heard that too, Tariq.
Maybe a song could help them out?
Whoa!
Whoa!
Scarlett Johansson, the black widow.
You could call a scarlet, you could call a scarlet, too.
She's spelling her name and causes frustration.
So to us, if you lost the translation.
S-C-A-R-L-E-T-T-J-O-A-J-N-double-S-O-N.
Scarlett we spell Scarlett Johansson, well, first thing you ask, then you add a C.
And then an A, then an R, then an L, then an E.
And next you grab a T with a T, the math.
Whoa, that's the first name.
Now it's time for the life.
Push up K, next up O.
Gonna H-A-N-double-S-O-N-O S letter and I don't want that in.
Education, Mr.
Let's do it again.
S-T-A-R-L-E-T-T-J-O-A-J-N-Double S-O-N.
Scott head time.
We coming!
Scott Joe, head time.
Kari Trenriner!
Scott Joe heads in everybody.
We have a great show.
Give it up!
Yeah, for the root drive now.
They'll be CTJ, oh great change.
They'll never listen again.
It's about your passion.
It's all about your Come on, we're best.
What a show.
What a show we have for you tonight.
She's one of the biggest movie stars in the world.
You can see her in the new film, Fly Me to the Moon, which is in theaters this Friday.
Scarlett is here tonight.
The best in the business.
Also, she's an Emmy and Golden Globe-nominated actress who stars in the new Netflix movie.
a family affair, as as Despicable Me 4, which is out now.
Joey King is joining us.
She's great.
She's looking great.
We great music from Sublime tonight.
Sublime!
I'm psyched.
I want to remind everyone, NBC has this great golf tournament this week in the American Century Championship.
They this every year.
This is the one where, like, all the big stars.
Steph Curry, one last year.
You got a hole-in-one, Travis is there.
I think Charles Barkley is there.
I'm not invited, which is fine.
It's okay.
No big deal.
They're taking it very seriously.
It's a big deal, but it's fun.
And it's Friday, Saturday, Sunday NBC.
But I had an idea, because we had the weekend.
I'm looking at my Instagrams, and I follow DJ Khaled.
You guys know who doesn't love.
Who doesn't love DJ Khaled?
It's all...
Pictures of him golfing.
No, I...
I don't know him that well.
He's a genius.
Uh, and he's been on the show a bunch of times,
and, uh, but I don't know how good is golfing,
but all I'm thinking of as I'm seeing these photos of him is that I think I could beat him.
What?
You think he could beat him?
I think I could beat DJ Khaled.
In game of golf?
In a golf mat.
In a game of golf.
Yeah, I'm DJing.
Yeah, I'm gonna say it.
I don't even know if he DJ's, to be honest.
I don't even know in that well.
But DJ Khaled, if you're watching, which I know you always watch every Monday night.
He watches the tonight show, yes.
And the next night, he another one.
Ah, yeah.
DJ, thank you.
I won't do that.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Don't turn the channel.
DJ Khaled, I'd like to challenge you to a gentlemanly game of golf, okay?
We can play 18 holes, 36 holes, you nine holes, whatever you want to do.
I don't care.
But if this Tahoe thing that I'm not invited to, I checked with NBC, I go, hey, what if I just showed up?
Again, Colin is not a great to do this, fella.
So this is a real ask.
I go, what if I showed up?
Can I play, you know, a holes, and whatever, and they go, no.
But they said, we'll figure something out.
So, anyways, Lake Tahoe said that we can come.
I can make it there by Saturday.
So, DJ Khaled, I'm not in this tournament.
You're not in this tournament, but me and you, one-on-one.
What do you say?
You're going to be there this weekend, dude?
Come on, man.
Fallon Khaled, 2024.
What do you think?
That's my dude.
Let's see.
I I can win.
Hold on one.
Man, a man, President Biden is, again, a lot of pressure to drop out of the race,
After this debate, a lot of critics have described it as, quote, not a good.
Some top Democrats have even been calling the president offering their advice.
And is incredible.
We somehow got footage of one of these phone calls.
Really?
Yeah.
Take a look at this.
Hello.
Hey, yo, I just caught your interview on Morning Joe.
Or as I like to call it, Morning You.
You get it?
Who is this?
Come on.
It's Barack.
You're gonna have to be more specific.
Oh, I know.
I was just a test to see if you knew who you were.
Oh, Joe, Joe, you're making about as much sense as you did during the debate.
Thank you.
Not a compliment.
Speaking of the debate, I gotta ask, what was that weird face you were making when Trump was talking?
You know the face.
Oh, this one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But look,
look, people are worried, because sometimes you seem to lose your train to thought mid-sentence, trail off, and then say a random word.
Well, I tell you that is simply an utterly wheelbarrow.
You see?
Now there you go again.
Yeah, but what's everyone focusing on me?
Donald Trump is just as incoherent.
Yeah, but he's kind of like fun incoherent.
Like, uh, like a minion, you know?
He's all like, uh, somebody and shakin' there don't fit in there.
Uh, banana.
That's a good minion impression, but might I try one?
He guess.
Joe.
Joe, wake up.
I don't want to get in the carousel, Mommy.
Okay, I'm going to pretend like I didn't hear that.
Look, the point is you got to do something to reassure America that you're still
sharp Well, that's why I did that interview on Friday with George Snuffluffikus.
Yeah, I saw.
Now, why did you keep refusing to take a cognitive test?
Come on, man.
Every day I do a cognitive test.
So I'm doing one right now.
Check this out.
Star, star hole.
Boom.
I'm a genius.
All right.
All right.
Very Joe.
You you also said that the only way you'd step down is if you were asked by Jesus himself.
That's right.
That's right.
I his opinion.
He's my best friend from high school.
Great guy.
He's good carpenter.
So, wait, hold on.
Hold on.
So, Jesus is the only person you'll listen to, not even me, not even a little burial.
What about Pelosi?
What about Jake from State Farm?
Everybody chose Jake from State Farm.
No, I'm more of a flow guy.
You're more of a max guy.
Ah!
Zingy, old bastard.
What are you gonna say about that?
Uh, ba-na-na.
Okay, that's a little late in the conversation, but you're still on it.
You got it.
All Look, the point is, I'm not going anywhere, okay?
I'm the only one who can beat Trump, okay?
I'm the only one who can unite the country.
In fact, I already have.
For the first time ever,
the left and the right, MSNBC and Fox News, Kendrick and Drake, they've all come together with one voice and said, you probably drop out.
But I'm going to stay in.
And I'm going to fight because American democracy is at stake.
And that's a fact, Jack.
Yeah, all right.
Now, there's the joke we're looking for.
We need more of that.
Now, please, we're begging you.
In the words of my girls, Sabrina Carpenter, Please, please, uh, please.
I love Sabrina.
She's my favorite carpenter since Jesus.
Look at Joe with the call bag.
You got it, my man.
Please, please, please, please.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey,
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