Embracing healthy resilience | Victoria Pelletier | TEDxMiami - Legendas Bilíngues
And without further ado, I want to welcome to the stage Victoria Peltier.
Welcome.
My name is Victoria Peltier and I'm going to talk to you about what I refer to as healthy
resilience and how you can develop it for yourself.
But first, let me tell you how I got here.
Come and get her before I kill her.
Direct quote from my biological mother.
I was the her.
I was four, come and get her before I kill her, were the last words I heard her utter while I remained in her care.
And while there's not enough time for me to walk you through my mother's long list of demons, I will tell you she was torment.
Adiction, mental illness, abandonment, the works, and I was the outlet.
The unwilling, yet convenient recipient of her fear, her strategy.
her anger.
Now, some of you might be expecting me to name my hero.
You know, the family member that stepped up to save the four-year-old standing on a cliff.
Well, that didn't happen.
stepped up.
Now one member of my family was willing to take me and my wounds on.
So you can imagine that'll harden you up.
But Mikey, you hyper-vigilant, on guard all the time, build walls around to protect yourself, a fortress.
But let me ask you, is that any way to live?
Later.
I was ostracized for my adoptive family's lower socio-economy.
From my rapid growth and physical development, for my sexuality, I was sexually assaulted at 14.
My father was a role model for infidelity,
a partner with cancer, and the death of my former wife and the co-parent to my two children.
And just less than two years ago, a freak accident left me in a wheelchair for months.
Professionally, I know much challenge and significant 20 plus mergers and acquisitions and more corporate restructure than I can count.
There is a reason why my colleagues once gave me the moniker as the Iron Maiden.
What can I say?
At that point, I came by it honestly.
I...
I am uniquely qualified, albeit sad to talk to you about overcoming trauma and adversity and developing resilience.
However, I would now like to reintroduce myself to you.
I am Victoria Peltier, successful business executive, a board director, an author, a wife, and partner, and mother to two beautiful humans.
one for baby.
And I am happy, fulfilled, and thriving more than ever.
Let me say that again.
I am happy.
I am fulfilled.
And am thriving.
So tonight, I will share with you my secret sauce that moved me from trauma to triumph, from Iron Maiden to Turtle.
Soft, interior, yet still a tough exterior shell.
I call it healthy resilience.
It's about setting goals, engaging in self-reflection, and with intention.
And as science backs me up on this, too, Dr.
Elise a Boston-based mental health expert, teamed up with several of our clients a few years ago to take a deep dive into resilience.
What they found is that with stressors on the rise across population,
So too was resilience, and the good news, while there are some people who are more innately resilient than others, healthy resilience can be taught.
And sometimes, our experience is are our best teachers so when my world was disintegrating something inside of me clicked the survival instinct.
Now a key lesson in healthy resilience, survival is a goal.
It's our most basic one, but you will never build a life on a survival goal alone.
That is what healthy resilience is not.
Compartmentalizing and not processing the trauma and adversity, wearing a protective shield of armor all the time.
I had to change, or I was going to die, broken body, broken heart.
The shift came at some point in my young adulthood.
something my adoptive mother had tried like crazy for years to teach me.
It finally clicked.
Healthy resilience.
The practices of healthy resilience will move you beyond the trauma,
beyond the Healthy resilience will change your outlook after changing your heart and soul, but I will tell you it's a journey.
So let me share with you the lessons I've learned.
and the steps to employ healthy resilience.
First, it begins with tethering yourself, anchoring yourself to a goal, an objective, a vision.
And this will look very different for each of you, but it's essential.
And you're going to have many career goals, financial goals, health, relationship, impact, and legacy.
With these goals and vision in place, you must shift to number two.
You must make a shift to self-reflection so that you can achieve a heightened level of self-awareness.
And this is critically important for all of you, iron maidens and iron men out there.
When our peers view us as impurities, emotionless, then you're being dishonest about your own pain, your demons, your desires.
That can change.
Make it change.
Healthy resilience also requires number three.
What I refer to as strategic intentionality.
Now, while you cannot prevent all of the challenge or adversity that will come your way,
you do have a choice in how you will respond to it.
Your language, actions, and behavior should nourish that amazing vision that you have for yourself, not diminish or deny it, so check in with yourself.
Find some trusted people who will hold you accountable to your vision.
And while this meal may feel incredibly uncomfortable, I urge you to lean into the discomfort.
Otherwise, the growth will not come.
And further to trusted people, surround yourself.
with community.
Those who will raise you up and support you, they should challenge you on your actions.
They will identify your blind spots, but they will love you.
And I must state that professional help can be incredibly valuable.
So do not be afraid to seek an expert and ask for help.
Finally, number five.
Give yourself permission to fail.
Honor the softness, just beyond the hard shell.
Falling to the ground in your personal or professional life is not the end of the world.
Help some of the most successful and grounded individuals I know see spectacular failure as the best way to get better.
So, when you fail and you will, when the current path disintegrates and challenges your vision,
give yourself time to grieve and then get back to it.
Return to step one.
How do I know that healthy resilience works?
Well, like I said, no one refers to me as Iron Maiden anymore.
It is turdling.
Tough, Brazilian exterior shell, yet all soft and marshmallow-y on the inside.
I think it fits.
Now it's your turn.
It's your turn to lean into healthy resilience.
Here's your to-do list.
Name the traumas, claim them, reflect these first, and then forgive yourself for the debris field left behind you.
It happens to the best of us.
And if this means seeking reconciliation with those you love, Be reconciled.
Remember the healthy, resilient steps.
Be clear on your vision and goals.
Engage in self-reflection.
strategic intentionality, model the thoughts, language, action, and behavior that will move you forward.
Find your inner circle, the community that will support you, and give yourself permission to fail.
When you do, pick yourself back up, anchor back to your goal, and remember, One foot in front of the other is progress.
Now, your final to-do.
Help someone this week.
Someone in the midst of trauma, or perhaps it's an Iron Maiden who is not yet dealing with it.
share healthy resilience so we can grow this thing.
Be a turtle.
Well friends, thank you for hearing my story.
Be kind to yourself.
Live well.
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